a blog about raising a daughter with cerebral palsy and learning unexpected lessons along the way

Monday, November 7, 2011

I Hate Gray

This is a bit overdue so let me rewind a little... to a week ago last Thursday.

I got a call from Oia's teacher around 11am. She tells me that Oia has been crying for some time now, is inconsolable, and demanding to be held. NEVER has my child been inconsolable. But sure enough, she was just that. My presence and early arrival to school didn't comfort her in the least. It panicked me. Her behavior seemed to be "off" as she was just not herself. Funny breathing, agitated, fatigued, and a cry I had never heard before. I knew I had to head to one of two places and fast. Either the ER or to her pediatrician.

I called Rob who happens to work at the hospital. I was going to pick him up so he could help me (I had both girls). We were at least 30 minutes away from where he worked. And in times like this, it's a blessing that my husband has a medical background. He gave Oia a quick assessment as soon as we picked him up. By this time, Oia has calmed down, and Rob determined it was safe enough that we could head to the peds office. Upon arrival at the peds office, Oia resumes the same crying behavior. They took us back right away. Oia screamed the whole time. Again, she was "off". She had no fever, tested negative for strep, and had no obvious reason for the discomfort. Gray is not my color. I'm a black and white girl who loves answers. We left with none. Just a dose of Tylenol. I wasn't satisfied.

Oia had another crying episode later that night, making a total of 3 for the day. She did get a slight fever later that evening but nothing too significant. I kept her home from school the following day so I could keep a close eye on her. She had me worried to death. The crying spells didn't return and it all seemed to be too strange. Fast forward exactly one week later...

Oia woke in the night with another crying episode. This time the crying lasted a solid hour. It was wrenching to experience. Rob and I both knew that whatever Oia was experiencing needed to be addressed with her neurologist. That's where we headed first thing the following morning. That was Friday.

Given our most accurate explanations of Oia's behavior during one of these episodes, it is believed by Oia's neurologist that she is experiencing some sort of neurological disturbance. The question is what? We know that Oia's EEG is abnormal. After all, we are talking about a girl with a hole in her brain. We know that she presents high risk for seizures. Was Oia experiencing a migraine, an aura, or a temporal lobe seizure of some sort? No one knows. And when no one knows, it's a toss up as what to do next and the "rule-out" process begins.

Migraines are the easiest place to start. Oia was prescribed a preventative medication to be taken once a night before bed. If there is no return of the crying behavior, then we can guess the medication is preventing a migraine and we can chalk that up as the answer. If another crying episode does return, we can assume that Oia is not experiencing a migraine, but instead something worse. In that case, we go back to the drawing board. If these episodes return and return with some frequency, then Oia will be admitted for monitoring in the hopes of catching one through an EEG to determine what it is and why it is happening.

It's a guess. I don't play these games well. Whatever it is, I wish Oia didn't have to endure it. She deals with enough. Maybe my 4 year old is experiencing an onset of migraines but my gut tells me it's more than that. I'm fearful of the 's' word and always have been. It scares the hell out of me. I'm living on eggshells and waiting. But for what? Nothing, I hope.

Your prayers are welcome here.

12 comments:

  1. The gray does indeed stink. Oh Mo, I hate this for Oia and for you.... I hope she doesn't have another spell. Prayers and hugs!

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  2. How scary Mo - but you've handled it so beautifully! I would have panicked. You - always so calm, every move thought out - I think you handle GRAY incredibly well. So hoping your questions are answered, and more importantly, your prayers are answered that this incredibly smart and strong little girl is not facing something else to endure. Love you!

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  3. How puzzling... This is so strange. Sending love, prayers, and positive thoughts your way, but I am positive that there is nothing you can't handle. It's the gray areas that make us stronger =)

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  4. Oh, gray is horrible. We've been there too, before. The 's' word has always terrified me too. I'm sorry you guys are going through this. I hope you get some answers soon - an answer of nothing serious. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

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  5. HI MO
    I HOPE THAT THEY HELP YOU TO FIGURE THUNGS OUT.. IF IT IS A SEISURE THEN THEY WILL BE ABLE TO HELP WITH THAT.. NOT ALL ARE VOLIENT! IT SOUNDS AS THOUGH FROM YOUR DESCRIPTION THAT OIA ONLY REALLY CRIES WHEN THERE IS A REASON! SHE SOUNDS AS THOUGH SHE IS CONTENT OTHERWISE!

    GOOD LUCK MO!

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  6. Oh this makes my heart hurt. I'm so sad for Oia and for you not knowing. I'm keeping you all in my prayers. I met a girl at an epilepsy conference who has aura seizures. It's so difficult when Oia can't explain where there is pain, it must be scary for her too. Thinking of you.

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  7. Mo- I am hoping they can figure things out and get things taken care of-We are praying for you guys! Love-us

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  8. Praying for your family! As a mom who has a daughter with neonatal seizure disorder, they are a very scary thing... Especially when the cause is "gray". My Ava had seizures since birth with no etiology. They were eventually medication controlled and now she seems to have "outgrown them" - even after a year seizure free, this mom carries her emergency meds everywhere just in case. I pray you get answers soon, or better yet, that Oia doesn't have anymore episodes.

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  9. I hope you're waiting for nothing too. Geez this stinks.
    I hope the medication solves this, and you dont see any more episodes. I HATE grey with a passion. It's a scary thing dealing with unknowns. Hugs to you guys! Kiss Oia girl an extra time for me!

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  10. this is scary stuff hope it all stops soon

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  11. Oh gosh, so scary. I have always been particularly scared of the "s" word too. So hard to watch our little ones in pain and not being able to help them.

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